Letting Go of the Rope

letgooftherope

There are crucial moments in our lives when someone says just the right thing at the right time.  It could be a single sentence but it is a sentence that hits us viscerally and every cell in our body knows it is the TRUTH and could save us from getting drowned in something that’s hard to come back from.  Or it’s a sentence that sums up what we know we need to change in ourselves.

This sentence came from one of the healers I’ve turned to over the years, Dany Lyne.

LET GO OF THE ROPE.

When to stop struggling against someone.  How to stop struggling with someone who ultimately wants us to get pulled into their suffering.  How to learn that our lives are our own responsibility and so the same goes for others.  Oh, so hard but therein lies the beauty of loving detachment.

Here’s  fable written by Edwin Friedman 

It is a moonlit night and alone in his thoughts he starts crossing a bridge. The man sees out of the corner of his eye a stranger dressed much like himself coming towards him. He thinks the man approaching is putting his hand out to greet him. However, the stranger has the end of a rope in his hand with the other end entwined around him. 

The stranger asks the man to hold the end of the rope. Whilst perplexed the man complies. 

The stranger asks the man to hold on tight with two hands and then promptly jumps off the bridge toward the swift running deep river below. “Hold on” the stranger cries. The free-falling body hurtled the distance of the rope’s length, and from the bridge the man abruptly felt the pull. He held tight despite being almost pulled over the side of the bridge. 

Peering down at the stranger who was close to oblivion, the man yelled, “What are you trying to do?” 

“Just hold tight,” said the other. 

The man tried to haul the stranger in but he could not. He could not get enough leverage. His strength was almost perfectly counterbalanced by the other man’s weight. 

“Why did you do this?” the man called out. “Remember,” said the other, “if you let go, I will be lost.” “But I cannot pull you up,” the man cried. “I am your responsibility,” said the other. “Well, I did not ask for it,” the man said. “If you let go, I am lost,” repeated the other. 

The man looked around for help, tried to invent solutions but could not think of any that would work. He waited for someone to come and help pull the stranger up, but no one came. Fearing that his arms could not hold out much longer, he tied the rope around his waist. 

“Why did you do this?” he asked again. “Don’t you see what you have done? What possible purpose could you have had in mind?” “Just remember,” said the other, “my life is in your hands.” 

Time passed and a decision needed to be made. The man could not hold on much longer. 

A thought occurred to him. If the stranger hauled himself up and he kept the end steady and pulled a bit, together they could get the stranger back to safety. But the other wasn’t interested. 

“You mean you won’t help? But I told you I cannot pull you up myself, and I don’t think I can hang on much longer either.” “You must try,” the other shouted back in tears. “If you fail, I die.” The point of decision arrived. The man said to the other, “Listen to me. I will not accept the position of choice for your life, only for my own; the position of choice for your own life, I hereby give back to you.” 

“What do you mean?” the other asked, afraid. “I mean, simply, it’s up to you. You decide which way this ends. I will help you if you help yourself.” 

“You cannot mean what you say,” the other shrieked. “You would not be so selfish. I am your responsibility. What could be so important that you would let someone die? Do not do this to me.” 

He waited a moment. There was no change i the tension of the rope. “I accept your choice,” the man said, at last, and freed his hands. 

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How the Body Keeps the Score: Personal and professional experience

Follow this link to watch my interview with Jeffrey Michael Friedman, host of a cutting edge trauma podcast.

The Body Keeps the Score with Jane Clapp

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“Here is part #1 of my interview with Jane Clapp. Jane is a movement coach that helps individuals heal their #Trauma through mindful movement. She is based in Toronto, Canada. You can learn more about her on her through her website @ urbanfitt.com. One of her favorite quotes pertaining to #Trauma and #Resilience is “Don’t ask for a light load. Ask for a strong back”.”

For more informative podcasts and to follow Jeffrey on Facebook: Friedman Family Therapy LLC

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I am a victim of my own making: Learning to rescue ourselves

I love writing, although I can’t underestimate the benefit of a great editor, as I had in this article just published last week by the Elephant Journal.

Healing core financial wounds as a woman in this world can be quite mind blowing.  When we don’t feel we can fully support ourselves financially, it’s amazing how distorted our judgement can become.  Getting to the source is what it’s all about.

overwhelmed

“It’s somewhat uncomfortable to admit—even to ourselves—that our life paradigm may have been wrong for most of our adult life.

 

When I did wake up to this fact, it felt like a strong blow right in the gut…but I can say at least that I got there.

 

I had hoped I would find a life partner who would make my life easier. I imagined there was that person out there who could help take my fears and worries away and bring the love, stability and security to my life that I’ve always wanted. On desperate nights, when I was fatigued to the bone from running a business single-handedly and caring for my daughter, whose I share custody with her father, I prayed on my knees that a man would come into my life who could love and care for me in a way that would take the overwhelm away.”

continue reading…

 

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My Grandmother’s Schizophrenia Fueled my Purpose

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Last month, the Elephant Journal, a publication I greatly respect with over 1 million visits each month, published a deeply personal article of mine.   The work I do with other people with a history of mental health challenges in their families’ lives or in their lives has come from an honest and empathic place in me.  For many years, I’ve been exploring and researching the potential benefits of specific movement and body-based interventions in people recovery or living with mental health issues and, in myself, in dealing with anxiety and core wounds from childhood.  Here’s a little slice of why.

Here’s the first paragraph.

“My grandmother was often convinced she was Mamie Eisenhower.

We couldn’t call her by her real name, in case it sent her over the edge. I remember driving up to the back of the building on the top of the hill—every time it was around Christmas. We’d buzz—then the door would buzz and click unlocked. We’d push the industrial steel door open and wind our way up the long ramp to the second door, our footsteps echoing on the polished tile floors. Then we buzz again and a nurse would open the second floor door.”

continue reading here…

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